


I felt It From The First Embrace I Shared With You

by thighkinks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:29:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9626093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thighkinks/pseuds/thighkinks
Summary: Steve blinks at him, dropping his wrist. “What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?”Bucky shakes his head really slowly and his expression is—of awe? It’s a rare expression on Bucky’s face since he’s never usually awed by the coolest things, much to Steve’s dismay.“No,” Bucky mumbles, eyes wide and he looks slightly crazed. Steve realizes it must be the anesthetics making him loopy. “God, you’re so gorgeous.”That startles a laugh out of Steve and he covers his hand with his mouth in disbelief. “I’m what?”“Gorgeous,” Bucky repeats very seriously.or the one where Bucky goes through surgery and forgets who Steve is due to anesthetics, but winds up admitting a few things to Steve along the way.





	

**Author's Note:**

> When it's midnight, and stevebucky is literally all you can think about. You can find me on tumblr @staaay-goldennn.tumblr.com if you would like to send prompts or just want to talk. Enjoy!

Steve has been through a lot the past nineteen years of his life—more than a lot if he’s honest but the last seven years with Bucky by his side has made it alright.

 

 

He still remembers being twelve years old, helping a girl who was being made fun of by a bunch of other boys for the way she dressed and tried to stop them. Which then led to them pushing Steve to the floor, as they made fun of the way he had to use an inhaler every three hours, or his size. It wasn’t until he heard a loud, “hey!” in front of them followed by a “why don’t you pick on someone your own size!” that he realized somebody was actually defending him for the first time in his life. He remembers looking up at the taller boy who had his hand extended out for Steve to take to help him up. Steve grabbed his hand and was hauled up, he dusted himself off before saying, “I had em’ on the ropes.” The other boy looked down fondly at Steve and said, “I’m sure you did.” He put his arm around Steve’s shoulder, “I’m James Barnes but everybody calls me Bucky.” Steve smiles at Bucky, then says, “I’m Steve Rogers, pleasure to meet ya, Bucky.”

 

 

He remembers the first time he wanted to grab Bucky and kiss the living daylights out of him. Steve being fourteen years old, and Bucky being a whopping year older at the age of fifteen had suggested they watch the scariest movie on Netflix. “We aren’t kids anymore, Stevie!” Bucky had said. They were in Bucky’s room, the lights all off while under the covers. It wasn’t until the third time that they both screamed that Bucky suggested they held hands since he would feel “safer.” Throughout the rest of the movie Steve was solely focused on the warm hand locked in his, and not even paying attention to what was being played on the screen. Steve thought to himself that he could go the rest of his life with Bucky next to him, hand and hand, but if only he had the courage to voice that.  

 

 

That’s why it’s a bit strange when the doctor informs him that Bucky isn’t going to remember anything from the last seven years of his life for the next hour or so until after he is fully recovered because of the anesthetic that they administered.

 

 

The reason they’re at the hospital in the first place is because Bucky, the stubborn bastard he is, neglected to mention to his Ma that his side was bothering him until Rebecca, Bucky’s sister, found him on the kitchen floor, passed out.

 

 

Thankfully he only had to get his appendix removed and nothing too damaging happened. Still, Steve shouted at Bucky for a good ten minutes after he found out and was at the hospital right by his side, hugging him tightly, despite the doctor’s orders to not disturb him.

 

 

It’s been several hours since then and Steve is sitting next to Bucky’s hospital bed, waiting for him to wake up. The nurses told him that Bucky should be awake any minute and when he does, Steve should make sure that he eats some food.

 

 

Steve is busy texting Natasha an update on what’s going on that he doesn’t even realize when Bucky wakes up until he hears rustling and then, “Shit.”

 

 

Immediately Steve’s head snaps up and he sees Bucky trying feebly to pick up the water bottle he just dropped onto the floor. Without thinking about it, Steve reaches over and grabs Bucky by the wrist gently, stopping him. “Hey, pal,” he greets warmly.

 

 

Bucky turns to look at him then and Steve watches as he inhales sharply in surprise. Steve furrows his eyebrows at him, unsure why Bucky is giving him that look and he’s even further confused when Bucky breathes, “Wow.”

 

Steve blinks at him, dropping his wrist. “What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?”

 

Bucky shakes his head really slowly and his expression is—of awe? It’s a rare expression on Bucky’s face since he’s never usually awed by the coolest things, much to Steve’s dismay.

 

“No,” Bucky mumbles, eyes wide and he looks slightly crazed. Steve realizes it must be the anesthetics making him loopy. “God, you’re so gorgeous.”

 

That startles a laugh out of Steve and he covers his hand with his mouth in disbelief. “I’m what?”

 

“Gorgeous,” Bucky repeats very seriously.

 

Steve smiles shyly, not really know how to respond. Nobody has ever called Steve gorgeous in his life. So to hear it from Bucky, who is all muscle, sharp jawline and beautiful blue eyes that makes every girl charmed has Steve blushing from his neck to his cheeks.

 

 

He’s then reminded of his current responsibilities and with his other hand, he picks a cracker off the plastic plate that the nurses left behind. “Eat up, Buck.”

 

 

“I’ll do anything you want me to do,” Bucky replies with an earnest expression, taking the cracker from Steve’s hand and Steve laughs again. “Just say the word.”

 

 

“That’s good to know, thank you,” Steve replies, patting Bucky’s free hand lightly before leaning back in his seat. “Are you feeling alright? Nothing’s hurting?”

 

 

Bucky doesn’t answer his question at first, too busy opening his mouth wide in attempt to fit the cracker in even though it’s completely unnecessary to open his mouth that wide. Then he turns to look at Steve again, cracker halfway to his mouth. “Who are you? What’s your name?”

 

Steve raises his eyebrows before he remembers that Bucky doesn’t know who he is and most likely won’t for the next hour. “I’m Steve,” he answers slowly, letting it sink in and watching as Bucky nods after a pause. “Now eat your cracker.”

 

 

“Okay,” Bucky obliges before finally biting into the cracker. God, if only Steve knew that all it took to get Bucky to finally listen to him was this, he’d bought this anesthesia medicine a long time ago. Bucky makes a sour expression and Steve is glad that he is the only one who gets to see this and explain to Bucky’s family and Nat later. After Bucky finishes chewing, he looks back at Steve. “Did the doctor send ya?”

 

 

Steve shakes his head, biting back a smile. “Not really, no.”

That seems to confuse Bucky who tilts his head, eyebrows furrowed. “Then are you the sexy doctor?”

 

 

Steve can’t help it but bark out a laugh that’s close to hysteric. It has to be the anesthetic drug that’s make Bucky talk all this none sense. Again Steve shakes his head, this time unable to help his smile as he answers, “No,” before lightly patting Bucky’s hand again. “Come on Buck, you’ve got to eat.”

 

 

There’s a brief moment of silence before Bucky says, “But I’d rather eat you,” and Steve bursts into laughter, nearly dropping the crackers he has in his hands.

 

 

“I’m sure you use that line to sweet talk all the ladies and gents,” Steve informs fondly once his laughter dies down. “Honestly, I’ve seen ya trying to pull, I have no idea how with these type of lines.”

 

Bucky pouts, muttering, “Heeeeey,” before blinking suddenly. “You’ve seen? Do we know each other? I know the most beautiful man in the world? Really?”

 

 

“I think ‘the most beautiful man in the world’ might be exaggerating but yes, we know each other,” Steve confirms, once again patting Bucky’s hand as a reminder.

 

 

Bucky seems to take the hint because he takes another small bite of the cracker before asking his next question of, “Can we go on a date?”

 

 

Steve splutters in disbelief because Bucky looks incredibly earnest, eyes wide and lips parted hopefully. This can’t honestly be happening right now, can it? Steve has been waiting for what feels like centuries to hear Bucky ask that. But it seems as if the world is out to get him because the one time Bucky is finally looking at Steve they way Steve has been looking at him for the past five years, he is all drugged up. When he’s finally able to form a coherent sentence, Steve sadly shakes his head and replies, “No, I’m sorry, I’m afraid we can’t.”

 

Steve wants nothing more to go on a date with Bucky, but Steve knows for a fact that Bucky doesn’t think of Steve that way and doesn’t want to take advantage of Bucky in this state.

 

“Oh,” Bucky breathes, frowning and then suddenly the older man is taking Steve left hand is his own and staring at the ring on his fourth finger. “Are you married? That’s not fair. Why do the hottest men always have to be married? You’re too gorgeous to be tied down.”

 

 

Steve stares down at his ring before meeting Steve’s eyes again. Ridiculously enough, he feels butterflies in his stomach when he shakes his head. “No, I’m not married,” he says quietly before taking of the ring and handing it over to Bucky. “Maybe one day I’ll be, I just gotta find the right fella for me.”

 

 

The look on Bucky’s face is incredibly despondent as he sighs deeply and takes the ring for Steve’s hand. “Whoever got you this must love ya a lot.”

 

 

Deciding he’s let this go on long enough, Steve takes a deep breath and lets out a watery chuckle as he says, “Not to freak you out or anything, pal, but you are the one that got me that promise ring.” Steve still remembers the day Bucky got it for him. They decided to take a trip to Coney Island for the day since the new Cyclone ride had just opened up. After various pleas from Bucky, Steve finally relented and went on the ride. Steve had gotten so sick from how fast it was going, the minute the ride ended he was shooting off finding the nearest trash bin to barf in. Bucky was there in an instant apologizing for making Steve ride it when he was insistent on not doing it.

 

 

When Steve told Bucky that he going to the restroom to wash out his mouth, between that time Bucky had managed to find a ring stand and bought a ring for Steve. When he finally came back from the restroom, Bucky was looking as if he just killed Steve’s dog.

 

_“I got ya a little somethin’ as an apology,” Bucky said quietly. He was looking down at his shoes, Steve had only seen Bucky once like this and it was when he tried flirting with Natasha in their first year of high school and she scolded Bucky for even trying to get at her that he was about to cry._

_“Buck, you didn’t have to.”_

_Bucky rolls his eyes. “I know I didn’t have too, punk. I wanted too.” He hands over the tiny bag,_

_Steve smiles at Bucky before opening it and seeing a small ring. He releases a shaky before reaching inside. He pulls the ring out and rubs his fore finger around it. It’s beautiful, a nice metallic color the he runs his finger over what feels like an engraving on the inside of it. Steve holds it up to his eyes and his breath catches as he reads what is engraved on the inside of the ring._

_“Till the end of the line.”_

_Steve looks up at Bucky who is blushing from his neck all the way to his cheeks._

_“Till the end of the line, right, pal?” Bucky says quietly, displaying his most charming Bucky Barnes smile that could have the world falling at his feet._

It takes a moment for the words to sink before Bucky gasps loudly and his mouth falls open. “I got this for you? You’re kidding! No way! But you’re—you’re—there’s no way!” he exclaims in shock.

 

 

“I’m pretty positive,” Steve replies, still watching Bucky as he looks down at the ring in awe.

 

 

Steve is dangerously close to a mixture of laughter and tears now as he watches Bucky do an incredulous double take. “Wow, I must really love ya, Stevie,” Bucky tells him, voice filled with awe.

 

 

Steve wants to say _not in the way I want,_ but he keeps it to himself and nods. “Sure, Buck.”

 

 

Then Bucky proceeds to scrub a hand over his face and turn to face the ceiling. “How did I get so lucky? Is this real? Do I really know most perfect person in the world?” and then he turns to face Steve again. “How long have we been friends?”

 

 

That makes Steve laugh again, despite how wet his eyes are. “We’ve been best friends for about seven years.”

 

Bucky’s voice grows dangerously high pitched as he replies, “Really? How many of those years have we been dating?”

 

 

Steve stutters, not knowing what to say. Has Bucky been thinking they were together the whole time? As much as that idea sounds really nice to Steve, it’s not true. He smiles sadly at Bucky. He hands over another cracker to him. “We aren’t dating, Buck.”

 

 

That makes Bucky pout again and he shoves the entire thing in his mouth which Steve honestly should have expected from him but he’s a bit too busy feeling fondness bubble up inside of him.

Bucky seems to be genuinely surprised that they aren’t dating.

 

 

“You are tellin’ me that after all these years I haven’t locked ya down yet?” He’s pouting again and it would be adorable to Steve if he hasn’t been asking himself the same question for years now.

 

 

Steve sighs. “Eat first. Ask questions later.”

 

 

“Finished,” Bucky announces through a mouthful and Steve blinks, remembering the situation at hand. “Can I see your face?”

 

 

“My face?” Steve repeats curiously and Bucky nods jerkily, looking almost desperate.

 

 

Despite the odd request, Steve obliges and leans in and he smiles when he feels Bucky’s fingers tracing along his cheekbones. When Bucky’s finger comes to trace his lips, the older man pauses and with an intrigued expression on his face, he asks, “Have we kissed?”

 

“No, Buck, we haven’t kissed.” Steve answers.

 

Bucky hand drops to his lap and he just stares in what seems to be disappointment. It’s strange—it reminds him of when Bucky was sixteen and also reminds him of just a few days ago all at the same time.

 

 

“Well, can ya kiss me now?” Bucky smiles hopefully at Steve from the bed.

 

 

“Maybe later,” Steve replies, Bucky looks so happy right now that he doesn’t want to shatter it. He’s most likely going to forget this entire conversation happened, much to Steve’s disappointment. And well, if he doesn’t forget... Steve will deal with that when the time comes.

 

 

Bucky makes a face before he narrows his eyes. “Do you promise to kiss me later?”

 

 

“I pinky promise,” Steve assures, linking their pinkies together and Bucky seems content enough by this.

 

 

Then suddenly, his eyes light up and he squeezes Steve’s hand. “Can you turn around?”

 

 

Steve looks at Bucky, confused at the request before standing up and turning around.

 

Steve isn’t sure what he was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t for Bucky to say: “Sweet Mary and Joseph, don’t ya have an ass on you, Stevie!”

 

“Oh my God,” Steve replies. He whips around to look at Bucky who is smirking at Steve, looking absolutely pleased with himself. “Stop looking, Buck!” Steve is flushed. God, could today get any weirder than it already is? “You’re completely shameless, you know that?”

 

“All I know is that I have that my best guy is the most beautiful person in the world,” Bucky sighs happily, and then he falters, hesitant. “Are you absolutely sure we’re best friends?”

 

“Would you like me to call in your Ma and confirm it for you? I’m sure Winifred would be more than happy to do so,” Steve says dryly and Bucky fish mouths for a second before his mouth closes entirely and he shakes his head.

 

With a flustered smile, he ducks his head and mumbles, “Whatever, punk.”

 

Steve snorts and makes a move to get up to get more water for Bucky but before he can, Bucky tugs lightly on the bottom of his shirt and Steve look back up.

 

 

“Can I say something? It might sound a little crazy,” Bucky whispers, as if it’s some sort of secret that only Steve can be trusted to keep. Maybe it is.

 

 

“Of course, Buck,” Steve assures, matching his voice level to match Bucky. “What is it?”

 

 

Bucky takes a quick glance around, clearly making sure they’re alone before he gestures for Steve to lean in closer. Steve raises an eyebrow but does it nonetheless, turning his head so Bucky can whisper in his ear.

 

“Don’t tell anyone but… I think I love you,” Bucky confides quietly and Steve has to take a moment to collect himself by leaning away and taking a deep breath before he turns back to face Bucky with wet eyes. _It’s just the anesthetic talkin’. He won’t remember this._

 

 

“I _know_ I love you,” Steve murmurs as he takes one of Bucky’s hands in both of his.

 

 

That makes Bucky beam brightly but it fades quickly as his eyes start to droop. Steve presses a quick kiss to his cheek right before they flutter shut completely and the last thing Bucky does before he falls asleep is squeeze Steve’s hands.

 

**

 

When Bucky wakes up for the second time, Steve isn’t the only one in the room this time. Bucky’s Ma, and his sisters are all inside, talking quietly before they hear Bucky groan from the bed.

 

The room goes quiet before Bucky says, “Why is it is fucking bright in here?” Bucky whines.

 

“You watch your mouth, James Barnes. Just because you are in the hospital doesn’t mean I won’t scold ya,” Bucky’s Ma glares at him from the chair next to him, as she takes his hand. “How are you feeling?”

 

“Fine, Ma. My head is just hurtin’ a bit.” Bucky sighs. Something must go off in Bucky’s head because Bucky his frantically looking around the room till his eyes land on Steve.

 

His expression goes soft; he smiles at Steve before reaching his hand out towards Steve to take. “Hey, Stevie.”

 

Steve takes Bucky’s hand in his. “Hey, pal. Good to see you awake again.”

 

Steve didn’t end up telling Bucky’s Ma about the conversation he and Bucky had the first time he woke up. Steve ended up saying that all Bucky asked for was some water before falling back to sleep.

 

Bucky is looking at Steve, really looking like he is waiting for Steve to say something else before he turns towards his Ma and says, “Hey Ma, why don’t you and the girls go get somethin’ to eat? I’ll be fine here with Steve.”

 

His Ma nods, leaning over the bed to give him a kiss on the forehead. “C’mon, girls, let’s get some food in those bellies.”

 

Once the Barnes clan is out of the room, Bucky sits up straighter in the bed and looks at Steve seriously.

 

“I remember.” Bucky says quietly.

 

Steve wouldn’t have heard it if he wasn’t sitting so close. “Remember what, Buck?” He doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, for all Steve knows he could just remember waking up to try and drink some water.

 

“Don’t play dumb, Steve. I remember our conversation after I woke up the first time,” Bucky says louder. Steve can’t speak. Even if he could, he wouldn’t know what to say.

 

 

“Bucky, we can forget it happened. I know you didn’t mean-”

 

“Is that what you think? That I didn’t mean it when I said I loved you?” Bucky looks hurt that Steve would even think that’s an option.

 

“I mean- Yes?” Steve says, confused.

 

“God, Steve, ya sure are an idiot some times,” Bucky says before he grabs Steve by the back of his neck and pulls him in for a kiss. Steve is so shocked it doesn’t even register in his brain that _Bucky Barnes is kissing you, idiot! Kiss him back!_ And boy, does he!

 

Bucky sighs happily, moving his hand to cradle Steve’s cheek. Steve’s lips sting as he opens his mouth to let Bucky slide his tongue past his lips. It’s everything Steve has hoped for and more.

 

They pull apart, Steve has to take a shaky breath before meeting Bucky’s eyes who is looking back at Steve with such fondness.

 

“You did promise to kiss me later,” Bucky whispers, he then breaks out in a big smile.

 

“Jerk.” _Kiss._

“Punk.” _Kiss._

When they pull back again, Steve lips tingle.

 

“Hey, Stevie,” Bucky whispers. “Can I tell you something?”

 

Steve smiles, he feels like crying from how happy he is. “Of course, Bucky.”

 

“I _know_ I’m in love with you.” Bucky says, this time he sounds more of a certain than anything.

 

“I _know_ I’m in love with you too, Bucky.” The smile that Steve gets from Bucky is worth everything.


End file.
